Today I had to come home early from work because my anxiety was extremely high and I could not focus. I had experienced a night terror last night which disturbed my sleep a lot and left me feeling extremely anxious and scared. I was so frustrated with myself for having to come home since I had just had two weeks off for the holidays, I was criticising myself saying I don’t deserve to go back because I had two weeks to rest and relax, I am now undeserving of a day off to care for myself.
I was so frustrated with myself with how high my anxiety was with just having two weeks off; I forgot to be kind to myself and understanding. I forgot to rationalise it out and think I just had a night terror last night which can be incredibly traumatic and triggering for someone and disturbs your sleep; thus I was processing my night terror with little sleep and high anxiety while also putting myself down and not at all being compassionate to myself.
I had a big reminder to myself that mental illness does not discriminate and will creep up when it wants to even if you have just come back from holidays and your well rested. Just because I have had two weeks off does not mean I am not deserving of caring for my mental health and taking time out when I can feel it getting out of hand.
I found today to be an essential lesson in taking care of my mental health no matter what stage of recovery I am at or what I was doing last week or right now. I am almost a year into recovery and can sometimes get frustrated with myself when I do have these bad days, and I feel like I am going backwards. However, days like these are a reminder that I am human and it’s okay to be sad, anxious and tired! Today reminded me that it is so important to take care of myself and listen to my body when it needs a break even if I don’t think it does, it is not worth pushing yourself all day to exhaustion and worsens your mental health in the process.